Sooo...hi.

Welcome to Four-Eyed Foe, the blog that makes things happen by not making them happen and then writing a parody song about it. If you're reading this, you're probably sitting in front of a computer screen, putting off about a dozen other things you should be doing. This makes sense, because often the things we should be doing are boring and repetitive. It's the meaningless things that are the most entertaining, am I right? Think of every reality TV show ever created, things that happened to you in Junior High, and iPhone apps.

At this point, you're probably wondering who we are and why we make you mildly depressed. I shall do my best to answer those questions and as well as any other quandaries you have about life in the Frequently Asked Questions section below:

Who are you and why do you make us mildly depressed?

Four-Eyed Foe is the personification of the abstract idea that this world is too wonderful and ridiculous to not make fun of on a semi-daily basis. Sometimes in life, you get the distinct feeling that you're witnessing a really bad idea unfurl before your eyes. The best/worst thing is someone, somewhere, put a lot of thought into that bad idea. We believe it's our job to put equally as much thought into making fun of it. Also, you're mildly depressed because your soul is fat.

Soooo...is Four-Eyed Foe a person?

Four-Eyed Foe is 1 1/2 Asian people.

Which one's the 1/2?

Either the short one or the 1/2 Asian one. We can't decide which answer is funnier.

I like the things you make fun of. Does that make me a bad person?

Of course not. And for the record, we make fun of things we like too. We're like that friend who you hate watching movies with because they make fun of the movie the whole time no matter how good it is or how much popcorn you bribe us with. It's not you, it's us. We can make eye contact if we pass each other on the street, but we can't be Facebook friends.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

Entropy. Next question.

Foe means enemy. When did we become enemies?

Clearly you weren't paying attention to my earlier answers. You and I are not foes. We are your foe. It's a one way relationship, kind of like how George W. Bush is everyone's enemy but he has no idea what "everyone" means. Also, foe sounds cool. Also, we're nerds so we wouldn't be very effective foes if this were a real situation. Unless it was a nerd war. Not, like, Dungeons and Dragons, but a war about facts. Also, this is a ridiculous hypothetical situation and we should cease talking about it.

Wow, it's like you're thoughts are my thoughts, but more eloquent and sarcastic.

My thoughts exactly, only better and sarcastically exactly.